Tuesday, December 31, 2013

December 31st, 2013; Fin

It is the last day of the year 2013. So I suppose this is a good time to reminisce on the lovely things that have happened within the past twelve months (at least all the things I can remember).
This year, oh this year, what can I say? It has been a tad bit more magical than other years, and sadly a bit more stressful.






I think the farthest thing I can remember is sometime in January I taught my best friend Rob how to drive. (I have photos of this, just sadly, not with me, so I may add them later.) During this drive though, we had a conversation that I had videotaped that kept me from not going crazy for a couple months. A conversation of true friendship and laughter that I will never forgot.



I was going to school that spring, and also still working as a caregiver. This was the semester where my GPA dropped by around .7. It was kind of discouraging, but I had a very difficult time managing my life around then and ended up dropping seven credits. School is lame anyways.
At the beginning of the year, I had planned to move to Portland, Oregon, to pursue a career in baking and attend Le Cordon Bleu. I went to Portland three times this past year, and fell out of love with that city and baking. So, after I was accepted into the college I started ignoring all calls from them and decided to change my plans entirely. Why did I fall out of love with this city? I fell out of love, simply because I enjoy being different. Yes, I know diversity is a healthy thing but I honestly like being surrounded by idiots. I have nothing to really share with portlanders, and I frankly don't give two shits about what they have to share with me because they have too much to share, too much for me to process, too much for me to really consider being myself as myself. Portland would have pulled me into to many directions; it would have excited me to the point of eruption. I also know it is a good thing to be surrounded by ideas, but I would rather discover them myself; I would rather fight for things. I don't want to live in a glazed over krispy cream factory city; I want to live somewhere where at least they citizens recognize everything as it (aka kind of stupid). Portland will always remain a 'homey' place to me, just I don't think it will ever be accepted as home, even though my best friend moved there. So whatev's on that.










What else happened that was lovely? I got to see Listener again this year, sometime in April I think. My wondrous boyfriend opened for them at The Hop! in Spokane, Wa. They played as a full band, and while I can't remember much I do remember pinning my boyfriend to a wall and attacking him with kisses and it was one of the most romantic times in my mind. (Although some girl thought I was sexually assaulting him.)
I also got to see Comadre in Portland in April with my dear friend Kateri. That show was messy, sweaty, painful, beautiful, etc.

I went to a lot of house shows. I went to a lot of house shows. A lot of house shows.










Around March, I called my father and talked to him for the first time eleven years to ask him if I could visit him in Indiana for my birthday. He said no. A couple hours later he messaged me and asked me if I wanted to travel to Jordan with him and his family for two months. Of course my answer was yes, I got leave for my work, and then I left. There I met so many members of my family that I didn't even know where alive, I witnessed another culture, I learned a bit of arabic, I ate like a queen, I had a maid tend to my every need, and I smoked too many cigarettes. While I was there I saw the Red, Dead, & Mediterranean Seas. I visited Petra, stayed in a beautiful villa, made my grandmother cry with love, made a depressed person feel alive, got to know my little sisters, and most importantly my father. (I even explored Roma.) In this time, I grew so much as a person, I learned so many new things, and it was truly a blessing in my life.












(Before I had left to the Middle East, my closest friends threw me an early birthday party) (It was one of my best birthdays.)





When I returned mid-July, I moved into my first apartment. This has also been a learning experience. I now spend five hundred dollars on living. I now can cook breakfast half-naked, I now can throw parties galore. I now have to communicate things with my roommate so misunderstandings don't birth, and I have to get used to living with a crazy little kitty. Living on my own has been alright, but it has been difficult. It has made me feel very stuck.







Around September, I was hired at Hastings, and now I am working two jobs. For awhile I had been working sixty plus hour weeks, and now am totally fine with working fourteen hour days. What a skill.
I didn't go to school fall semester due to financial aid bitch problems, but I needed a break anyways. So I didn't really get much done this half the year. I worked a lot, I read a lot of books, I dreamed too much, I drank too much coffee, I felt sad quite a bit of the time, I cuddled with my lover, I drank, I collected vinyl, I just kind of tried to survive. I stopped taking photos. I kind of regret this, probably the only thing I regret due to the fact a photo a day helps me remember what happened and what I felt.
There are only two last things I want to take note on: my last trip to Portland I almost died in a car-wreck due to an ice storm so I ended up getting a tattoo the next day to commemorate my lungs still breathing and my mind still thinking. Secondly, in December I started writing, and playing music again. This might be one of the things I'm proudest of for 2013.



I probably forgot a bunch of really important things, but like I said, I forgot.













Last thing this is Fallon, this is my boyfriend, this is my best friend(not the one that moved away), this is the only person that reads my blog, this is one of the reasons I am who I am, this is the person who inspired to me to start playing music, this is the person who keeps me going when I'm sad, this is my cuddle-bug, this is someone who I love more and more with each passing day. This is someone who was with me almost every single day throughout 2013, someone who never let me feel lonely, someone who took my trash out when I was too tired to walk out the front door, someone who made lists of things for me to do to feel accomplished, someone who played me songs in the morning after kissing my cheeks, someone who showed me that I am beautiful the way I am. Without you, Fallon Braddy, 2013, would have been a very very very very sad year. I love you, thank you for everything.

Tomorrow, 2013 will disappear into our memories and 2014 will begin defrosting our frozen cars.

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

December 11, 2013; wait, wait, wait

Today I called my father to get some help with tax information. We talked about life, about my recent car wreck, about the soup he was making, about his brother, and about his wife. We started talking about my education, and I think he summed up how I really feel about the entirety of my life as a whole. "You have no idea what you're doing, do you?"
This is possibly the most accurate thing someone has said to me about the problems and achievements I make. I literally have no idea what I'm doing, and I have no idea what I'll do. I'm stuck in this sort of purgatory of choices. There are so many wonderful choices; and for now I feel as if I can only pick one. I am very undecided in almost everything, which isn't the most awful thing; I'm only nineteen.
I could wait to go to college for a few years, I mean I'll always have a free education available in the state of Indiana. Or I could just do it now and get it all over with and then party my college wisdom away when I'm twenty five living in an urban city as top-illustrator for a magazine.

Monday, December 9, 2013

December 9th, 2013; nazi

Words are hard to come by, words are always there. Things have been treading quite rapidly, and time is slipping through my ideas, slightly slicing slivers of a once prominent thoughts. My hope is founded in my thoughts. I would assume it's time to get to work, but things have been getting horridly crazy. The world is acting outside of my standards; it is hard to align with changing seasons.
But I must try. At least, I'll try.