I have an interview tomorrow & that's exciting because that lays out a new experience to envelop myself in for the next number of unrecognizable months.
But I'm afraid. Not of a new job, but of waking up in the afternoon instead of the morning & taking seventeen credits at once & not pressing the snooze button for once & getting a cold & not turning the heater on low to save electricity & paying off my car & trying to make everything fair for all the people in my life & to take a damn shower.
I try to take advantage of all the new experiences in front of me, but I find myself falling into habits that I have only been around for a little while.
I wish I could be the person I used to be.
I miss my ambition to live.
I miss smiling in the morning.
I miss checking the mail & reading the paper & enjoying a fresh pot of coffee & saying hello to strangers & taking the time to do my homework correctly & actually listening to someone when they talk to me & being excited for new things instead of just the things that lay far ahead in my future.
I feel very pitiful. It's annoying me.